Australian children to be vaccinated against footy players.

The Australian government has added a category to the COVID-19 vaccination program after Frank Winterstein, Ben Roberts and Roy Asotasi attended an illegal anti-lockdown march in Sydney recently.

The former NRL players earned nominations for The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame after putting the safety of all Australian children at risk and potentially extending the very lockdown they were protesting against.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

“Footballers have always been a danger to children,” a statement from the federal government began.

“Australians have known this for a long time. Frownlow judges have known this for a long time. The actions of Misters Winterstein, Roberts and Asotasi have confirmed this fact.”

“As a result, a special vaccine is being developed which is proven to protect anyone under the age of 18 from the influence of footballers and former footballers. It is vital that we protect the next generation of Australians in this time of crisis and into the future.”

“Already this year there have been at least 50 nominations for The Frownlow Medal and many for the hall of fame. Jarryd Hayne is currently in prison for sexual assault and many other players have harmed society on their way to a nomination. Clearly, children needed stronger protection against footy players.”

It is believed the vaccine roll out will begin at some point this decade, and that children at exclusive private schools will receive the first vaccinations.

Winterstein is a famous anti-vaxer, as is his wife Taylor. She revealed via social media that police visited her house shortly after the protest and issued her and Frank with $1000 fines “for breaching public health orders after they left home without a reasonable excuse and attended the Sydney CBD protest”.

Even after police showed their badges, Taylor accused the police of trespassing on private property, and demanded they show more ‘evidence’.

Fortunately for Roberts, Asotasi and the Winterstein’s, players are not required to be vaccinated in order to attend the Frownlow awards night later this year, because attendees are likely to catch much more than COVID-19.

Image: NuNa

Meet Jai Arrow’s mystery guest.

Fans of the NRL will have the chance to meet Jai Arrow‘s mystery guest when he attends the award’s night for The Frownlow Medal later this year. And he won’t have to sneak her in.

Arrow was kicked out of the Queensland State of Origin camp for brining an unknown person into the team bubble and breaching strict COVID-19 bio-security protocols. He was also fined $35,000 and will miss two games for the South Sydney Rabbitohs.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The talented back rower knew he was breaking team rules, and knew the consequences. Just days earlier, most of the St George-Illawarra team had been fined and suspended for attending a house party, and Paul Vaughan had been sacked. Despite this, Arrow organised the rendezvous. He now leaves a hole in a Queensland team which is already missing David Fifita, as they try to prevent NSW from taking a clean sweep.

Arrow can console himself with his Frownlow nomination, and with the knowledge that he won’t have to smuggle his plus 1 into the Frownlow awards night, because anything goes. The only question is where the party will be held. So far, the leading candidates are Northies and Paul Vaughan’s house.

Image: NuNa

Scott Morrison refuses to pay Dragons’ COVID fines.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has refused to pay the fines of the St George-Illawarra NRL players who breached COVID-19 protocols, just days after he paid the fine of Cronulla player Josh Dugan.

Morrison paid Dugan’s $25,000 COVID breach fine from his own pocket after admitting that he and his government are responsible for the current lockdowns in Greater Sydney due to the failed national vaccine rollout. When offering to pay Dugan’s fine, he conceded that an effective national vaccine roll out would have prevented lockdowns throughout the nation and Australians would be free to go to a restaurant with their friends.

“Let me make this very clear,” Morrison told the media.

“I pretend to follow the mighty Sharks, and Josh is a Sharks player. I don’t pretend to follow the Dragons. Why would I? There’s no political gain in that. It’s very simple. I’m not paying their fines.”

Dragons fans and other members of the community asked Morrison to pay the players fines which totalled more than $300,000. 13 players were punished for attending a party at Paul Vaughan’s house in Shellharbour while the region was in the middle of a strict lockdown.

Insiders believe Morrison refused to pay the fines not just because they play for a rival team, but because he was angry that Paul did not invite him to the party.

Image:NuNa

Paul’s Party shakes up The Frownlow Medal.

Paul Vaughan’s house party has created 11 new nominees for The Frownlow Medal in 2021. Vaughan’s Dragons teammates have been nominated after they breached NRL COVID protocols and could face huge fines and severe punishment.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

Matt Dufty, Zac Lomax, Kaide Ellis, Blake Lawrie, Daniel Alvaro, Gerard Beale, Josh Maguire and Josh Kerr earn their first nominations, while Frownlow judges are already familiar with Jack Bird, Tyrell Fuimaono and Corey Norman. All of the players attended a party at Vaughan’s house in Shellharbour, NSW, after St George Illawarra narrowly beat the Warriors. Players are not supposed to have guests at their house, in line with Greater Sydney COVID restrictions, and the players breached restrictions imposed by the government and the NRL itself. The players were caught out when neighbour’s called police with a noise complaint.

Media reports have also revealed that seven of the players fled down the street when the police arrived to investigate. The impromptu sprint session has earned more condemnation from fans and commentators.

All of the players have reportedly been issued with a standard $1000 fine, but the NRL is considering its own punishment for an act that could cost the players substantial fines, isolation, suspensions, time away from training and possibly competition points for the Dragons, who currently sit at 7th on the ladder.

Norman is the 2016 Frownlow medallist and is a serial nominee. He earned nominations in 2016, 2018, 2019 and earlier in 2021, when he got involved in a street fight outside Northies in Cronulla. Norman runs a clothing brand with fellow nominee James Segeyaro. It is called You Know the Rules. It seems he doesn’t.

Meanwhile, Vaughan was also nominated in 2020, for a COVID breach.

The coming days will reveal the extent of the punishment for the Dragons players and the club. At least the 12 partygoers have had a good warm up for the awards night for The Frownlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame to be held later this year.

Image: NuNa

Dylan, what have you done this time?

NRL player Dylan Napa has earned yet another nomination for The Frownlow Medal, this time for something as simple as a COVID breach. Napa and Bulldogs teammates Brandon Wakeham and Aaron Schoupp breached NRL protocols when they visited a pub in Bondi, and fans feared they could send the entire NRL and State of Origin into lockdown.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

Fortunately, the second game of Origin is still scheduled for Sunday night, but the Canterbury trio have been forced to self isolate and undertake a COVID-19 test.

The Bulldogs players visited Royal Hotel in Bondi in contravention of a directive from the NRL that staff and players must stay away from the Waverley Local Government area, where the latest COVID outbreak originated. One of the people who has tested positive to coronavirus visited the Royal Hotel.

Wakeham and Schuopp earn their first Frownlow nominations, but Napa is well known to judges. He was nominated in 2016, 2017 and 2019. His highlight reel includes being banned from Queensland Origin camp for 12 months after breaking curfew, and being kicked off a flight for intoxication. He also got knocked out by a drug-addicted cleaner at a party in Palm Beach, Sydney, and a video of him having sex with a woman was posted all over the internet. Compared to these incidents, a simple COVID breach is quite mild. Napa will have to lift his game.

Napa, Wakeham and Schoupp are hoping all COVID restrictions are lifted by the end of the year, so they can attend the awards night for The Frownlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame.

Image: NuNa

Dan Andrews is no match for Dane Swan.

Former AFL player Dane Swan has attacked Dan Andrews with a reminder that the Victorian premier will never match his achievements in The Frownlow Medal. Swan made the comments via Twitter while slamming the latest COVID-19 lockdown in Melbourne.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Swan questioned the premier’s competence and claimed that the state government ‘continually f***… Victorians’. He admitted to knowing nothing about politics before criticising the decision to impose another lockdown. When fellow twitter uses responded to his comments, he said:

“…if you don’t understand how Twitter works this is my account and I shall and will say WHATEVER the f*** I like whenever and however I like. Just like y’all motherf***ers do on your accounts. It’s not rocket surgery.”

Swan himself has never performed rocket surgery, but he has figured prominently in The Frownlow Medal. Meanwhile, Andrews has never received a Frownlow nomination.

Swan has been nominated for both The Frownlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame, which in itself is a rare achievement. He received his nominations for sending naked selfies to an unknown woman only to have those selfies appear in a women’s magazine. He also broke a club imposed booze ban and got into a scuffle with a security guard in Federation Square. He admitted to illicit drug use during his career, but only once he was retired and was trying to promote a book. He was also caught drink driving, and his podcast was shut down in 2019 when he made a joke about sexual assault.

Swan clearly possesses the credentials, integrity, intelligence and poise to manage a state’s response to a global pandemic, and is right in claiming that the Victorian premier will never come close to his off-field achievements.

Image: NuNa

Charlie and The Breachers.

Charlie and The Breachers are set to rock live music venues across the country in a spectacular series of concerts to raise money for footballers struggling to cope with COVID-19 lockdowns. The 15-piece band produces an eclectic mix of genre-bending fusion and are headed by Melbourne Demons players Charlie Spargo and Kysaiah Pickett, who are the latest footballers to be nominated for The Frownlow Medal for breaching COVID-19 protocols.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

Spargo and Pickett were suspended for visiting a person’s house on a non-essential visit and committed a breach that has become so common that the offenders could form a rugby league team of their own, and almost field an AFL team. In an effort to meet somewhere in the middle, they formed a band.

Charlie and The Breachers brings together an illustrious list of footballing talent, including Steele Sidebottom and Lynden Dunn from Collingwood, Brandon Zerk-Thatcher and Conor McKenna from Essendon, plus North Melbourne pair Cameron Zurhaar and Nick Larkey.

NRL players Latrell Mitchell, Josh Addo-Carr and Tyrone Roberts-Davis will arrive on dirt bikes while firing rifles into the air before joining the band on stage. Meanwhile, AFL players Lachie Hunter and Tyson Stengle have planned an amazing treat for fans during intermission. The duo will drive an unregistered monster truck over a row of parked cars while attempting to break David Boon’s beer-swilling record.

As well as tinkling the ivories on stage, Port Adelaide player Ollie Wines will overlook catering at the concerts, and promised that beer would not be the only drink on tap, while concert organisers are still awaiting RSVPs from the entire Adelaide Crows team.

As a result of players breaching protocol throughout the country, entertainment venues and clubs will be forced to shut down again, meaning Charlie and The Breachers will be forced to play all of their concerts in an empty stadium and livestream them via Tik Tok. Lead guitarist Nathan Cleary promised he could arrange some back up dancers.

Image: NuNa

NRL steals lockdown idea from The Frownlow Medal.

The NRL plan to restart its competition with its players and staff in an isolated scenario is being hailed as a world first, but the proposal to gather footballers in one place was first suggested late last year by The Frownlow Medal.

League bosses are hoping to resume playing in late May with all players and staff living, training and playing in a fully self-contained location, with no crowds. This idea was first floated by The Frownlow Medal as a remedy for the damaging publicity suffered when players created scandals on Mad Monday.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Under the Frownlow proposal, Mad Monday celebrations for the four major codes would be held in one giant warehouse in an undisclosed location away from the public eye and, more importantly, away from the scrutiny of the media.

The Frownlow Mad Monday celebration would also offer footballers the following benefits:

  • Unlimited alcohol. Supplied by the companies which sponsor teams and representative fixtures. No RSA, No lockout laws.
  • Unlimited access to sports gambling. Their own competition is over, so they’re free to bet on other sports. Players granted free accounts and credit by the same companies which sponsor their stadiums and flood TV screens with advertisements during games.
  • Ladies, ladies, ladies. Free strippers to entertain the players. Free ‘ladies of the night’ and a bevy of groupies or women with terribly low self esteem who seek legitimacy on the arms of a footballer. Certain players will have access to schoolgirls, provided they are above the age of consent. Remember, it’s not cheating on Mad Monday.
  • Dark corners. For enjoying the company of aforementioned women in privacy.
  • Bright corners. For enjoying the company of aforementioned women in the company of teammates.
  • Nudie runs, for any player who did not score during the season.
  • Nudie runs, for any player who did score during the regular season.
  • Porn. Endless streaming of a large variety of porn on TV screens bigger than the scoreboard at the old SFS.
  • Lawyers. Just in case.
  • Ben Cousins.
  • Burn phones. Untraceable phones with unlimited data. Sexting, yes, online gambling, yes, naked photos, yes, sex tapes, yes. Every abuse of an electronic device possible.
  • Drugs. Snort it, smoke it, sniff it, inject it, pop it – is there any other way to enjoy drugs? If not, invent it, it’s Mad Monday.
  • Tattoo parlour. Because every footballer needs more tattoos.
  • Wife beating.
  • Ben Cousins
  • Golden showers.
  • Slap the taxi.
  • Bare knuckle boxing, known in the real world as assault.
  • Flashing
  • Wife swapping
  • Poo in a shoe
  • Open mic comp. Featuring racism, sexism, homophobia, misogyny and every other form of offensive language Sam Newman regards as comedy.
  • Ben Cousins.
  • Drunken Go Kart races.
  • Video Games.
  • Bestiality.
  • Live cross to past footballers who are now in prison.
  • Guns
  • Knives
  • Drive by shootings.
  • All this and more in one mighty bonding session

One mighty hangover.

Image: NuNa