Kerem Bulut gets supersized.

Former A-League player Kerem Bulut always wants more.

More action, more excitement, more adrenaline and more fries.

And more chances to be inducted into The Fronwlow Medal Hall of Fame.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL star Jarryd Hayne is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Bulut received his first Frownlow nomination for a variety of offences, and his second for demanding more fries.

The former Western Sydney Wanderers player was charged with intimidation in 2021 at Auburn McDonald’s in Sydney’s west. Sources claim Bulut and his friends argued with a staff member after Bulut tried to order more fries before the staff member could attempt to upsize him. The argument attracted police and Bulut was eventually granted conditional bail.

McDonald’s was a sponsor of the Wanderers at the time.

Bulut earned his first Frownlow nomination after being charged with assault, larceny and drug offences. He spent seven months in prison while awaiting trial for the for alleged assault of a man early in 2021. He was granted bail and forced to attend a drug rehabilitation program, as well as being told to report to police daily, avoid consuming drugs and alcohol, and to avoid any contact with the alleged victim.

The allegations stem from an alleged altercation with a man known to Bulut, who claims the former Young Socceroo assaulted him in an apartment in Sydney due to a dispute over $500. It is alleged that Bulut snatched the money from the man, and that seven months later the man demanded the money back, prompting the alleged assault.

It’s certainly a strange incident, but not the strangest incident which has resulted in a Fronwlow nomination. It’s also not known whether the alleged victim was eating, or in possession of, fries at the time.

The courts will also determine whether Bulut is guilty of assaulting a cellmate at Silverwater Prison while on remand in March 2021. The alleged victim was taken to hospital with a broken eye socket and bruising to his head.

While surrounding himself in controversy, the national junior representative also surrounded himself in glory. He scored seven goals in six games to win the Golden Boot at the 2010 AFC U/19 Championships, and he played for Australia at the 2011 FIFA U/20 World Cup. Unfortunately, his love of French Fries and his friends destroyed his international football career. He and other members of the Muslim Brotherhood Militants clashed with the police as far back as 2010, when Bulut was arrested for alleged offences including malicious wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm; robbery in company; participate in criminal group; assist criminal activity, affray and intimidation of court witnesses.

Police alleged the victims were attacked with knives in a carpark in Auburn and suffered wounds to the head, torso and leg, and that this attack was part of an ongoing feud involving incidents in the Sydney CBD and Bondi Beach. The police case against Bulut was ultimately withdrawn as the witnesses were unwilling to give evidence in court. Seems like Bulut got his fries after all.

Strengthening Bulut’s bid for induction into The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame is the four year ban he received from Turkish football after testing positive for cocaine while playing for Menemen Belediye in 2018.

Image: NuNa

Kerem Bulut is out of prison and into Frownlow contention.

Former A-League player Kerem Bulut can now attend the Frownlow awards night later this year after being released from prison.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL star Jarryd Hayne is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

The ex-Wanderers player has been nominated for The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame after being charged with assault, larceny and drug offences. He spent seven months in prison while awaiting trial for the for alleged assault of a man early in 2021. He was granted bail and forced to attend a drug rehabilitation program, as well as being told to report to police daily, avoid consuming drugs and alcohol, and to avoid any contact with the alleged victim.

The allegations stem from an alleged altercation with a man known to Bulut, who claims the former Young Socceroo assaulted him in an apartment in Sydney due to a dispute over $500. It is alleged that Bulut snatched the money from the man, and that seven months later the man demanded the money back, prompting the alleged assault.

It’s certainly a strange incident, but not the strangest incident which has resulted in a Fronwlow nomination.

The courts will also determine whether Bulut is guilty of assaulting a cellmate at Silverwater Prison while on remand in March 2021. The alleged victim was taken to hospital with a broken eye socket and bruising to his head.

Strengthening Bulut’s bid for induction into The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame is the four year ban he received from Turkish football after testing positive for cocaine while playing for Menemen Belediye in 2018.

Image: NuNa

Bizarre new contract clause for professional footballers.

Professional footballers in Australia have been ordered to get a pet dog in order to protect their public image after an off-field scandal.

Footballers from the four major codes have had the clause included in their contracts in case they commit an incident which earns them a nomination for The Fronwlow Medal or The Fronwlow Medal Hall of Fame.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL star Jarryd Hayne is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

“Australians will forgive anyone who owns a dog,” began a statement from the marketing firm contracted to oversee brand recovery across the four codes.

“Many professional footballers in Australia have a great need to repair their personal brand and this is why they will be required to buy a pet dog upon signing a contract to play first-grade in any of the four major codes.”

The branding experts explained that the pre-emptive clause assumes that every player will at some point commit a scandal that will bring themselves and their sport into disrepute.

“One needs only browse through http://www.instagram/thefrownlowmedal.com to see how many footballers commit scandals and to understand why this clause is necessary.”

The clause might surprise many Australians, until they consider the power of a photograph with a cute dog. It is seemingly impossible to advertise a product in Australia without including a dog, and the country’s most popular children’s TV series features a family of animated dogs. Australia also carries an unspoken belief that dog ownership improves people’s character and thus makes every footballer a great role model to young children.

Disgraced celebrities, sports stars and even politicians also understand the recuperative power of a photo with a pooch.

“Scott Morrison is a perfect example,” continued the PR experts, “throughout his less than stellar career as prime minister he has regularly been photographed with a pet dog, especially when his popularity falls. His opponent, Anthony Albanese, also made sure he included a dog in his photo ops during his recent isolation, proving that Aussies will forgive anyone who owns a dog.”

“If a dog can repair the brand of an Aussie politician, it will repair the brand of a footballer.”

A photo with a canine will apparently protect a footballer’s personal brand from alcohol and drug abuse, driving offences and social media gaffs, as well as racism, sexism and homophobia, and even from crimes such as assault, manslaughter, murder and sexual assault.

“It’s amazing how many Frownlow Medallists and hall of fame inductees could have been saved with nothing more than a photo with a dog.”

Image: NuNa

Wife Saviour Complex.

Wife Saviour Complex is an increasingly common syndrome affecting woman who date and marry footballers nominated for The Fronwlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame. Women afflicted with the syndrome save footballers from their destructive behaviour regardless of how much the women themselves suffer in the process.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL star Jarryd Hayne is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Women exhibiting signs of Wife Saviour Complex stick by their man through his terrible behaviour. They rescue him from his drug and alcohol abuse, his driving offences and public humiliation. They tolerate his partying and infidelity, and forgive his latest social media faux pas, plus his nudity, racism, sexism, homophobia and destruction of property. The women are left to pick up the pieces when the player gets fined or arrested, and spends time behind bars. They console their man when he gets suspended from his club, or sacked. In some cases, the Wife Saviour suffers psychological, emotional or physical abuse. They suffer through all of these behaviours, even during ‘Women’s Round’.

Some even start a relationship with a man despite knowing that he has engaged in destructive behaviour for many years. Amelia Miller dated former AFL player and Frownlow HoF inductee Nick Stevens knowing he had violently assaulted his former girlfriend, and heard the torrid details while she sat through his court case.

She turned my life around.”

That’s great for the footballer. The question is, what did the woman have to do, and have to put up with, in order to turn the player’s life around? The net result of the woman’s tireless work is a return to form for the footballer, more victories for his team, representative honours and more money in his bank account.

Behind every great man…

Are they great?

The footballers are grown men, earning a lot of money to play a game they love. Despite this, they can’t turn their own lives around; they need a woman to do it for them. After the woman has turned the footballer’s life around, he returns to being ‘a great bloke’, a ‘top human’ and a ‘role model’ for young people.

Behind every great woman…

This phrase does not exist, but female Frownlow nominees exist. Nita Maynard was the first, and Deni Varnhagen and Millie Boyle followed. There were no articles praising the men who helped these players get back on their feet after their off-field incident. Certainly not for Millie Boyle. The man with whom she committed her toilet tryst and earned her nomination is none other than NRL player Adam Elliott, who has earned numerous Fronwlow nominations for his own indiscretions.

Jack de Belin’s partner apparently helped him turn his life around. We don’t know exactly what happened in the de Belin home, but we do know that the woman was at home, heavily pregnant, while de Belin was out partying and having sex with a 19-year-old woman and Callan Sinclair which resulted in charges of rape (which were eventually dropped).

Next time you hear about a woman turning around the life of a wayward footballer, remember that she may be afflicted with Wife Saviour Complex.

Image: NuNa

Why is Latrell so angry?

Latrell Mitchell and his teammates are furious that the NRL’s new COVID-19 restrictions will destroy their chances of winning The Frownlow Medal in 2022.

Mitchell and fellow NRL players lashed out on social media after the NRL announced plans to ban players from venues such as nightclubs, pubs and cinemas in order to avoid the spread of COVID among teams and to keep the competition afloat.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL star Jarryd Hayne is the most recent recipient.

“How are we supposed to win the Frownlow?” Latrell asked angrily.

“Pubs and nightclubs are where we get our nominations and now we can’t visit them. A pub is where I got my first nomination in 2019. Me and the boys went for a few quiet ones at Old Bar Tavern and these random guys picked a fight with us. This rule is a joke!”

NSW Blues teammates and fellow Frownlow nominees Josh Addo-Carr and Jack Wighton joined Mitchell in condemning the new restrictions.

“This is rubbish,” declared Addo-Carr, who earned his first nomination alongside Mitchell in 2020 for a COVID breach in which they rode trail bikes on the beach and shot guns.

“Yeah, we could still ride our bikes and shoot our guns, cos that’s not indoors, but that didn’t win us the medal in 2020 and we can’t just do the same thing again. We need to do something original if we wanna win. How many nominations have come from inside a pub or club? Mate, it’s a deadset stitch up.”

Wighton was also incensed, as he came very close to winning the medal in 2018 after a pub fight earned him a 10-week suspension from the game.

“Footy players go to bars, get drunk or high, or both, then get into fights, urinate in public, harass women and post stupid photos of themselves on social media, and this is how they get nominated. If they take that away from us, we can’t show the Frownlow judges that we’re doing enough to win the medal.”

NRL players were also adamant that the medal must stay within their code after AFL player Elijah Taylor won in 2020. Hayne claimed it back for the NRL in 2021, but the restrictions placed on NRL players may create an unfair advantage for players from the AFL, Super Rugby and A-League.

Meanwhile, NRL players will also have restrictions placed on home gatherings, so Paul Vaughan has put away the BBQ tongs.

Image: Getty Images

Northies wins major honour.

Northies Cronulla Hotel has been chosen to host the 2021 awards night for The Frownlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame after so many scandalous incidents occurred at the venue.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Northies helped make history this year. It is where NRLW player Nita Maynard became the first woman ever to be nominated for Frownlow honours when she had a few too many and got into a scuffle with bouncers. It is also where former NRL player James Segeyaro paired up with 2016 Frownlow medallist Corey Norman for a street fight against a group of random men.

In addition, Ben Barba was caught snorting cocaine at the club after the Cronulla Sharks grand final win in 2016, and this was one of the many offences which eventually helped him to win the medal in 2019.

“Northies is enormously proud to host the awards night for The Fronwlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame,” said a spokesperson for the club.

“We take enormous pride in creating the conditions for off-field shenanigans, and we believe we deserve to host the most prestigious event in Australian sport. It’s also great to have so many people partying in our club after all of the COVID-19 lockdowns.”

Organisers have promised a never-ending supply of alcohol and illicit drugs, as well as a bevy of innocent women to harass, objectify and demean. Smart phones will be banned in order to prevent any images from leaking to the press, but locked devices will be offered for players desperate to gamble their salaries away. Vaccination certificates will certainly not be checked.

Players can visit the Bromance Booth to kiss and make up with their team mates after an alcohol-fuelled fight, or slip into toilet cubicles with names such as Adam Elliott, Millie Boyle and Sonny Bill. A secure cage will also be placed in the middle of the sports bar for Jarryd Hayne, who has been granted three days parole in order to attend the celebrations.

Every Frownlow nominee has been invited to The Shire, but NRL and AFL players will once gain dominate the evening, at which The Fronwlow Medallist and the inductees into The Fronwlow Medal Hall of Fame will be announced. Of course, it wouldn’t be a footballing celebration without a nudie run for the players who failed to score a try in 2021.

Northies is also the local of Prime Minster Scott Morrison, who paid the fines of various NRL players when they were punished for breaching COIVD-19 biosecurity protocols. Morrison dipped into his own pocket for players such as Sharks back Josh Dugan, because the PM accepted responsibility for the slow national vaccine rollout which necessitated the NRL COVID-19 bubbles. Morrison has also promised to attend the awards night as long as he can be photographed drinking beer with sports stars and pretending to support the Sharks.

Northies will subsequently be closed for two days after the awards night, to allow players to be smuggled out of the premises unseen, and to allow for a very through deep clean.

Image: NuNa

New threat forces changes to NRL Dally M awards.

A looming threat forced the NRL to make unpopular changes to the Dally M awards night in 2021 – and it wasn’t the AFL. The NRL altered the traditional format of its awards presentation in response to the growing popularity of The Frownlow Medal celebration.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Rugby League fans slammed the new format which saw the awards stretched over two separate nights a week apart. The first instalment returned poor television ratings and attracted widespread criticism across social media. Experts suspected the downfall could be blamed on the timing of the AFL Brownlow Medal ceremony, but realised that it was the Frownlow award which was stealing the thunder.

“Every player wants to go to the awards night for The Frownlow Medal,” revealed NRL boss Andrew Abdo.

“It is a huge night of massive partying with no rules or restrictions with players from across NRL, AFL, Super Rugby and the A-League. Players get unlimited drugs, booze, women, music, sports gambling and no pesky journalists. No player can resist this, and it’s no wonder that party is more popular than the Dally Ms.”

Players have been displaying less interest in the Dally M night since the Frownlow Medal was introduced in 2015. In response, the NRL decided to experiment with a new format in order to win back players and fans.

“The Dally M used to be the most prestigious award in the NRL, but now it’s the Frownlow,” conceded Abdo.

“Just look at the number of NRL players who get nominated every year, and the fact that every medallist, except for 2020, has been an NRL player.”

The awards night for The Fronwlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame will be held later this year. The potential venues include Northies, Jarryd Hayne’s Hillsong Church, Paul Vaughan’s house or the restaurant in which Adam Elliott and Millie Boyle enjoyed their toilet tryst.

Image: NuNa

Can Jarryd Hayne return to glory?

Former NRL player and current prisoner Jarryd Hayne could claim the greatest prize in Australian sport this year. Hayne is the favourite to win The Frownlow Medal, ahead of 61 professional footballers who have earned nominations for all manner of off-field scandals.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

Hayne is possibly the most talented player to have never won a grand final. He came close with Parramatta one year, and almost single-handedly won a State of Origin series for NSW on one occasion. He now languishes in prison after being found guilty of sexual assault.

Can anyone beat Hayne?

Former NRL player Mananse Fainu poses a strong threat. He is still awaiting the outcome of his legal proceedings after he was accused of stabbing someone outside a Mormon church dance back in 2019. Another Dragons player, Tristan Sailor, was also accused of rape but has not been found guilty as COVID-19 slows down court proceedings in Australia.

Other challengers

Hayne saw off the challenge of another accused rapist, fellow NRL player Jack de Belin. The Dragons and NSW player was found not guilty of sexual assault after a long court case, but is still in contention after attending Paul Vaughan‘s infamous BBQ. This unsanctioned house party led to nominations for another 11 Dragons players, and created the Matt Dufty Fun Run around the streets of Shellharbour.

Corey Norman won the medal in 2016 and was also at the BBQ. He thought he could outsmart the cops by fleeing on foot, but he left behind his phone and car – with personalised number plates. It was his second nomination of 2021, after getting into a brawl outside Northies.

Gender equity

2021 marked a milestone for The Frownlow Medal. Nita Maynard became the first woman to be nominated after getting drunk and taking on a bouncer at Northies. Fellow NRLW player Millie Boyle followed her lead and earned a nomination after being caught in a toilet tryst with misguided NRL player Adam Elliott.

The Breachers

Breaching COVID-19 protocols earned nominations for many footballers this year, even though that particular scandal failed to win the Frownlow for any nominees in 2020. Footballers never learn. Many players breached some form of protocols, including perennial nominees James Roberts, and fellow NRL player Josh Dugan, who was caught by police more than 3 hours from home, twice, on the same day.

Jai Arrow and Api Koroisau were both punished for smuggling women into their restricted hotels rooms during the State of Origin series. Koroisau is married, and Arrow is sponsored by a food delivery company which guarantees fast and efficient delivery.

NRL dominance

NRL players look determined to win back what they believe is their birthright, after Taylor claimed it for the AFL in 2020. They comprise 47 of the 61 nominees. They also supplied two of the most bizarre nominations. Victor Radley was punished by the NRL for tackling someone, while Lachlan Lewis was caught trying to sell a speaker on EBay, after stealing it from a room in the Bulldogs’ hub.

AFL defence

The AFL defence looks flimsy. Jordan De Goey earned three nominations in one year, for essentially being Jordan De Goey, while Taylor Walker made a racist comment and a pathetic attempt to apologise for his racist outburst. Nine more AFL players were nominated for relatively minor offences, and so far they look unlikely to reclaim the medal.

Super Rugby

Super Rugby has offered four candidates. Suliasi Vunivalu earned his nomination before even playing a game in his new code, while three Rebels Marika Koroibete, Isi Naisarani and Pone Fa’amausili had a few quiet drinks in their team hotel and broke curfew while playing for the Wallabies. Apparently Rebels are not allowed to rebel.

A- League Absence

The A-League has never won The Fronwlow Medal and has failed to supply any candidates in 2021. Why?

Hayne might be accepting The Frownlow Medal from his prison cell later this year, but it is only September, and four months is a very long time in football.

Image: NuNa

Is it too hot to get drunk?

Is the Aussie summer the wrong time to have a beer? Is it just too hot for a coldie or too hot to kick back with a beverage or two – and get up to mischief?

It must be, because players from the A-League football competition rarely get involved in scandals that could earn them a nomination for The Frownlow Medal, and their competition is the only code which takes place in the summer months Down Under. In contrast, players from the winter codes commit endless off-field atrocities and dominate the award. At the same time, alcohol causes most of the scandals which sustain The Frownlow Medal.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Why don’t A-League players earn many Frownlow nominations?

Are football/soccer players already too dehydrated? Are they completely sapped of fluids after 90 minutes of elite football in the Aussie summer sun? Are their tanks so empty that they simply can’t fathom the notion of getting drunk after a game and further dehydrating themselves?

They must be.

Otherwise, how else does one explain the fact that so few football/soccer players from Australia’s national league recieve nominations for The Frownlow Medal, or even The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame?

The A-League has supplied only 5 nominees for the medal, and only 2 for the hall of fame. Ahmad Elrich is the only hall of fame inductee. This from a total of about 400 combined nominees since the award’s inception in 2015. No A-League player has ever won the medal, while every other code has claimed the prestigious award. Five medallists have played NRL, including 2018 winner Karmichael Hunt. One has played Super Rugby (Hunt) and two have played AFL (Taylor and Hunt). A-League players have not even come close to winning.

If the A-League switched to winter, would more players receive nominations?

It must be the heat.

Or is it?

Scandals occur in summer. Countless players have been busted for bar brawls, public urination, bestiality, public defecation, drink-driving, public nudity, sexual harassment, assault, drug use, social media faux pas and countless other incidents after consuming too much alcohol – during summer. In fact, Christmas, New Year’s and Australia Day are popular times for nominations – almost as popular as Mad Monday.

What about the women?

Female footballers also disprove the aforementioned theory. The women’s AFL, Super Rugby and NRL competitions all take place in winter, and all female first-grade players from the four codes are eligible for Australia’s most prestigious award.. But not one has ever been nominated.

Thus, the question remains,

Why do so few A-League players earn nominations for The Frownlow Medal?

Image: NuNa

Legalade, the perfect drink for the wayward footballer.

Legalade is a sports drink with a difference. The latest addition to the highly-competitive sports drink market improves a players off-field performance and is set to take the sports world by storm.

While existing sports drinks such as Powerade, Lucozade, Gatorade and Staminade claim to improve a player’s on-field performance, none of them provide off-field support like Legalade. As such, players have begun ordering the drink by the case in the hope that it will increase their chances of winning The Frownlow Medal or entering The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Along with the usual electrolytes, glucose and potassium found in conventional sports drinks, Legalade contains traces of illicit drugs and a 15% alcohol content to get the party started. It is premixed with energy drinks for automatic preloading and is engineered to pass through police detection systems at music festivals and nightspots. Furthermore, every bottle carries contact details of lawyers and a list of image consultants trained to repair a footballer’s personal brand after a public scandal.

Legalade is the perfect drink for footballers who need to urinate into their own mouths or onto a police car, or who yearn to slap a taxi driver, simulate sex with a dog or send unwanted nude pics to innocent women. It inspires racist, sexist and homophobic social media rants and is the perfect preparation for players on their way to face their code’s integrity unit. One sip and all your problems will disappear.

Legalade is not to be confused with Legal Aid. Legal Aid is an organisation in NSW providing legal services to socially and economically disadvantaged people throughout the state. Legalade, meanwhile, is a revolutionary new sports drink.

Legalade marks a watershed for professional footballers striving to win the ultimate prize in Australian sport, and is available for purchase at bottle shops throughout the country.

Image: NuNa