Northies wins major honour.

Northies Cronulla Hotel has been chosen to host the 2021 awards night for The Frownlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame after so many scandalous incidents occurred at the venue.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Northies helped make history this year. It is where NRLW player Nita Maynard became the first woman ever to be nominated for Frownlow honours when she had a few too many and got into a scuffle with bouncers. It is also where former NRL player James Segeyaro paired up with 2016 Frownlow medallist Corey Norman for a street fight against a group of random men.

In addition, Ben Barba was caught snorting cocaine at the club after the Cronulla Sharks grand final win in 2016, and this was one of the many offences which eventually helped him to win the medal in 2019.

“Northies is enormously proud to host the awards night for The Fronwlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame,” said a spokesperson for the club.

“We take enormous pride in creating the conditions for off-field shenanigans, and we believe we deserve to host the most prestigious event in Australian sport. It’s also great to have so many people partying in our club after all of the COVID-19 lockdowns.”

Organisers have promised a never-ending supply of alcohol and illicit drugs, as well as a bevy of innocent women to harass, objectify and demean. Smart phones will be banned in order to prevent any images from leaking to the press, but locked devices will be offered for players desperate to gamble their salaries away. Vaccination certificates will certainly not be checked.

Players can visit the Bromance Booth to kiss and make up with their team mates after an alcohol-fuelled fight, or slip into toilet cubicles with names such as Adam Elliott, Millie Boyle and Sonny Bill. A secure cage will also be placed in the middle of the sports bar for Jarryd Hayne, who has been granted three days parole in order to attend the celebrations.

Every Frownlow nominee has been invited to The Shire, but NRL and AFL players will once gain dominate the evening, at which The Fronwlow Medallist and the inductees into The Fronwlow Medal Hall of Fame will be announced. Of course, it wouldn’t be a footballing celebration without a nudie run for the players who failed to score a try in 2021.

Northies is also the local of Prime Minster Scott Morrison, who paid the fines of various NRL players when they were punished for breaching COIVD-19 biosecurity protocols. Morrison dipped into his own pocket for players such as Sharks back Josh Dugan, because the PM accepted responsibility for the slow national vaccine rollout which necessitated the NRL COVID-19 bubbles. Morrison has also promised to attend the awards night as long as he can be photographed drinking beer with sports stars and pretending to support the Sharks.

Northies will subsequently be closed for two days after the awards night, to allow players to be smuggled out of the premises unseen, and to allow for a very through deep clean.

Image: NuNa

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