Harley Bennell joins The Breachers.

AFL player Harley Bennell has become the latest professional footballer to be nominated for The Frownlow Medal for breaching COVID-19 protocols. Bennell apparently left the Melbourne Demons’ high performance centre on the Sunshine Coast to visit another premises outside of the bubble.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

Bennell has been removed from the centre to avoid possibly contaminating other players and was suspended for four matches, while the club was fined $50,000.

This is Bennell’s fourth nomination for The Frownlow Medal in three years, after he was nominated twice in 2017 and once last year, for incidents such as driving offences, alcohol abuse, drug use and being kicked off a flight.

With Melbourne currently sitting ninth on the ladder, the next time Bennell sees his teammates and fellow AFL players is likely to be at the awards night for The Frownlow Medal and the Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame later this year.

Image: NuNa

Tevita Pangai Jr. has a close shave with police and a bikie gang.

NRL player Tevita Pangai Jr has earned a nomination for The Frownlow Medal after he was caught attending the opening of a barber shop which was raided by police due to its alleged connection to a bikie gang.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

Not only was Pangai Jr caught up in a police raid, but he was judged to have breached the NRL’s coronavirus bio-security protocols and will now have to self-isolate for two weeks. The Brisbane Broncos player is not suspected of having any link to the bikie gang, but was mingling with the public, which is against the rules of the NRL’s COVID-19 restrictions.

Pangai had already missed four games in this truncated season, after he was found guilty of dangerous contact on an opponent in a game against the Cowboys. The rampaging forward also adds his name to the very long list of footballers who have been punished for breaching social distancing regulations in 2020.

It makes you wonder if anyone will be able to attend the awards ceremony for The Frownlow Medal and The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame this year.

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Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock; Tyrone May to spend more time on the sideline.

NRL player Tyrone May will miss more NRL games after a TikTok video revealed his involvement in a social distancing breach, and this has earned him a second nomination for The Frownlow Medal.

May has been suspended for two games from the NRL competition, which is scheduled to resume on May 28, but was already suspended for his role in a sex tape scandal in 2019. The sex tape scandal created massive off-field drama for the Penrith Panthers and earned May his first Frownlow nomination.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

May shares a house with Panthers teammate Nathan Cleary, who appeared in a TikTok video dancing with a group of young women in their house during the COVID19 pandemic, in clear breach of social distancing regulations. May does not appear in the video, but he was punished for gathering in a large group, and for failing to cooperate with the NRL Integrity Unit when the issue first arose.

Fortunately for the young women, May did not invite them to appear in a video of his making, even though it would obviously have been very tasteful.

May will now have more time to study video production and editing while he sits out a large proportion of an already shortened NRL season.

Image: NuNa

10 minutes is all Nathan Cleary needs.

NRL player Nathan Cleary needs only 10 minutes to please a bevvy of young ladies, and it this speed and agility which has earned him a nomination for The Frownlow Medal. Cleary hosted a group of young women at his home on Anzac Day and was subsequently sanctioned for breaching COVID-19 social distancing rules.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

The skilful young halfback apparently allowed the young women in to his home while they waited for their Uber. While they were there, a photo was taken of him in the presence of the group and uploaded to social media.

Cleary since apologised for his mistake but was punished by the NRL while the incident is investigated further. Just as the NRL prepares to resume its competition, Cleary becomes the fourth NRL player to be punished for breaching social distancing rules, and the sixth footballer to receive a Frownlow nomination for the same offence.

Rumours also persist that Cleary, and the remaining five COVID-19 nominees, have switched to Esports and will star in the next series of football-based computer game competitions, where they can not come into physical contact with other people.

Image: NuNa

NRL steals lockdown idea from The Frownlow Medal.

The NRL plan to restart its competition with its players and staff in an isolated scenario is being hailed as a world first, but the proposal to gather footballers in one place was first suggested late last year by The Frownlow Medal.

League bosses are hoping to resume playing in late May with all players and staff living, training and playing in a fully self-contained location, with no crowds. This idea was first floated by The Frownlow Medal as a remedy for the damaging publicity suffered when players created scandals on Mad Monday.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

Under the Frownlow proposal, Mad Monday celebrations for the four major codes would be held in one giant warehouse in an undisclosed location away from the public eye and, more importantly, away from the scrutiny of the media.

The Frownlow Mad Monday celebration would also offer footballers the following benefits:

  • Unlimited alcohol. Supplied by the companies which sponsor teams and representative fixtures. No RSA, No lockout laws.
  • Unlimited access to sports gambling. Their own competition is over, so they’re free to bet on other sports. Players granted free accounts and credit by the same companies which sponsor their stadiums and flood TV screens with advertisements during games.
  • Ladies, ladies, ladies. Free strippers to entertain the players. Free ‘ladies of the night’ and a bevy of groupies or women with terribly low self esteem who seek legitimacy on the arms of a footballer. Certain players will have access to schoolgirls, provided they are above the age of consent. Remember, it’s not cheating on Mad Monday.
  • Dark corners. For enjoying the company of aforementioned women in privacy.
  • Bright corners. For enjoying the company of aforementioned women in the company of teammates.
  • Nudie runs, for any player who did not score during the season.
  • Nudie runs, for any player who did score during the regular season.
  • Porn. Endless streaming of a large variety of porn on TV screens bigger than the scoreboard at the old SFS.
  • Lawyers. Just in case.
  • Ben Cousins.
  • Burn phones. Untraceable phones with unlimited data. Sexting, yes, online gambling, yes, naked photos, yes, sex tapes, yes. Every abuse of an electronic device possible.
  • Drugs. Snort it, smoke it, sniff it, inject it, pop it – is there any other way to enjoy drugs? If not, invent it, it’s Mad Monday.
  • Tattoo parlour. Because every footballer needs more tattoos.
  • Wife beating.
  • Ben Cousins
  • Golden showers.
  • Slap the taxi.
  • Bare knuckle boxing, known in the real world as assault.
  • Flashing
  • Wife swapping
  • Poo in a shoe
  • Open mic comp. Featuring racism, sexism, homophobia, misogyny and every other form of offensive language Sam Newman regards as comedy.
  • Ben Cousins.
  • Drunken Go Kart races.
  • Video Games.
  • Bestiality.
  • Live cross to past footballers who are now in prison.
  • Guns
  • Knives
  • Drive by shootings.
  • All this and more in one mighty bonding session

One mighty hangover.

Image: NuNa

Nick Larkey and Cameron Zurhaar become the AFL's first coronavirus victims.

AFL players Nick Larkey and Cameron Zurhaar have been nominated for The Frownlow Medal after defying pleas to self-isolate during the coronavirus.

The North Melbourne players hosted a raucous and noisy party late into the night, moments after the government and health authorities had asked people to practice social distancing to prevent the spread of the disease.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while NRL player Ben Barba is the most recent recipient.

Larkey and Zurhaar initially denied doing anything wrong, claiming that when they saw ‘corona’ all over the news, they just thought it was an excuse to knock back some cans of Mexico’s most famous beverage. They have since apologised to their neighbours, who complained about the noise and the decision to invite friends to their home in the middle of a deadly pandemic. They can’t be suspended from playing obviously.

Hosting a party is the weakest nomination in the history of The Frownlow Medal. In the past, players have been nominated for offences as serious as assault, drug trafficking, prison sentences and rape. However, never before has a party with your mates had the potential to kill people.

The players were attacked on social media by the public and footy fans, who had just learned that the AFL season had been suspended for months.

The young Kangaroos join an already long list of nominees for Frownlow honours this year, but will be required to watch the Frownlow awards night from home.

Image: NuNa