Scott Morrison refuses to pay Dragons’ COVID fines.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has refused to pay the fines of the St George-Illawarra NRL players who breached COVID-19 protocols, just days after he paid the fine of Cronulla player Josh Dugan.

Morrison paid Dugan’s $25,000 COVID breach fine from his own pocket after admitting that he and his government are responsible for the current lockdowns in Greater Sydney due to the failed national vaccine rollout. When offering to pay Dugan’s fine, he conceded that an effective national vaccine roll out would have prevented lockdowns throughout the nation and Australians would be free to go to a restaurant with their friends.

“Let me make this very clear,” Morrison told the media.

“I pretend to follow the mighty Sharks, and Josh is a Sharks player. I don’t pretend to follow the Dragons. Why would I? There’s no political gain in that. It’s very simple. I’m not paying their fines.”

Dragons fans and other members of the community asked Morrison to pay the players fines which totalled more than $300,000. 13 players were punished for attending a party at Paul Vaughan’s house in Shellharbour while the region was in the middle of a strict lockdown.

Insiders believe Morrison refused to pay the fines not just because they play for a rival team, but because he was angry that Paul did not invite him to the party.

Image:NuNa

Should Aussie politicians be eligible for The Frownlow Medal?

Judges of The Frownlow Medal are being pressured to nominate Australian politicians for The Frownlow Medal after revelations that the nation’s leaders commit as many scandals as professional footballers.

The Australian media is reporting a new political scandal on an almost daily basis for acts that would automatically earn a Frownlow nomination for a footballer.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

“The requests are justified,” stated Frownlow judges.

“Politicians are behaving as badly as footballers, and sometimes even worse, and lately there have been more politicians than footy players committing these deplorable acts. What’s more, most politicians are escaping any form of punishment, while footballers have been suspended, kicked out of their sport or heavily fined. For that reason, judges will seriously consider opening up the most prestigious award in Australian sport to the nation’s leaders.”

At the time of writing, senior state and federal politicians who would qualify for The Frownlow Medal or The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame are:

Christian ‘not guilty’ Porter

Stuart ‘robodebt’ Robert

Linda ‘in my defence’ Reynolds

Michael ‘the sexter’ Johnsen

Teena ‘harass me’ McQueen

Adem ‘branch stacker’ Somyurek

Michael ‘branch stacker’ Sukkar

Kevin ‘branch stacker’ Andrews

Alan ‘wingman’ Tudge

Pauline ‘please explain’ Hanson

Matt ‘coal dust’ Canavan

David with Little to be Proud of

Michelle ‘good bloke’ Landry

Bridget ‘sports rorts’ Mckenzie

Dave ‘pink roses’ Sharma

Josh ‘ASIC’ Frydenberg

Greg ‘world’s best minister’ Hunt

Michaelia ‘AFP’ Cash

Sussan ‘treehugger’ Ley

Gladys ‘I spy’ Liu

Andrew ‘the feminist’ Laming

George ‘Filipino’ Christensen

Tony ‘knighthood’ Abbott

Arthur ‘ICAC’ Sinodinos

Joe ‘MAGA’ Hockey

Eric ‘silly girl’ Abetz

Bronwyn ‘choppergate’ Bishop

Peter ‘the boat stopper’ Dutton

Joel ‘the loyal’ Fitzgibbon

Daryl ‘Gladys’ boyfriend’ Maguire

Sam ‘China’ Dastyari

Angus ‘grassgate’ Taylor

Mathias ‘economy class’ Cormann

Barnaby ‘the faithful’ Joyce

Gladys ‘koala killer’ Berejikilian

“We could even go back as far as Sir Joh Bjelke Petersen or John Howard,” declared Frownlow judges.

“What’s also exciting about including politicians is that it would bring us our first female Frownlow nominee. Female footballers are eligible for the medal, but they are yet to commit an off-field scandal. Of course, Scott Morrison would also earn a nomination because, as prime minister, he has failed to take decisive action against any of his scandalous colleagues.”

While the list of corrupted politicians is long, judges stressed that other factors would need to be taken into consideration before politicians could be included in Australia’s most sought-after award:

Should sport and politics mix?

Is it fair to footballers?

Are there too many politicians committing scandals – and can Frownlow judges keep up with all of the scandals?

How many political scandals are covered up?

Should Rupert Murdoch be nominated?

Should Gina Rinehart be nominated?

Would any politicians be left?

Image: NuNa

Gladys Berejiklian saves the NRL.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian blocked the appointment of Mick Fuller to the Australian Rugby League Commission in order to help the NRL win back The Frownlow Medal.

Berejiklian denied the NSW Police Commissioner the opportunity to sit on the board of the ARLC because he is an expert in ‘setting behavioural expectations’ who would have prevented the NRL from winning back the medal they held for five straight years until 2020.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

“I love Rugby League and the NRL,” boasted Berejiklian at a press conference.

“As a Sydney girl, I’ve always loved league more than AFL, Union and Soccer. I pretend to love Macarthur FC, for the same reason the Prime Minister pretends to love the Cronulla Sharks: it helps win votes.”

“I was devastated to see the AFL steal the Frownlow from us last year, and I’m determined to do whatever I can to make sure an NRL player wins it this year. For this reason, I used my power as premier to block the appointment of Mr Fuller to the ARLC board because he would have stamped out player misbehaviour and held wayward players to account. If NRL players are not allowed to get up to mischief off the field, they’ll never win the Frownlow.”

The league-loving premier also asked the public to show greater understanding towards footballers when they misbehave.

“Footballers, like politicians, are role models to young Australians, so we should not be too quick to judge their personal behaviour. The LNP rewards misbehaviour with promotion and ministerial appointments, and naughty footballers are rewarded with nominations for The Frownlow Medal. I would hate to see either of these situations change.”

The Premier then confirmed that her own party is no stranger to personal scandal and protecting people who commit those scandals.

“Right now, our nation’s leader seems to be protecting an alleged rapist who works for the LNP, at the same time that four rugby league players are under investigation for sexual assault.”

“Finally, this issue is also a great way to distract the public from the failures of my government.”

Image: NuNa

Scott Morrison demands Jarryd Hayne be awarded The Frownlow Medal.

EXCLUSIVE: The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison, has exercised his executive powers to demand that fellow Hillsong member Jarryd Hayne win The Frownlow Medal in 2021. Mr Morrison is believed to have instructed Frownlow judges to award the medal to the ex-NRL player who faces charges of sexually assaulting a young woman on grand final night in 2019.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The prime minister vehemently denies making the phone call, however.

“The prime minister did not threaten judges of The Frownlow Medal,” read a statement from the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet. “The prime minister reserves threatening phone calls for female premiers, female colleagues, female staffers, female reporters and female opponents. Furthermore, Rupert Murdoch has no interest in Jarryd Hayne or The Frownlow Medal, and did not issue any instructions to Mr Morrison on the matter.”

Mr Morrison himself did issue a brief statement in response to the revelations.

“Jarryd’s a good Christian boy, and he deserves to win the Frownlow more than any other alleged rapists (including Jack de Belin and Tristan Sailor). Frankly, I don’t see why he didn’t win the medal in 2019 or 2020”

Mr Morrison is forgetting that Hayne’s court case is ongoing and the former Origin star has not been found guilty or innocent.

Hayne and Morrison share an association with the Pentecostal megachurch in Sydney which combines rock music with morality and Christian virtues. Hayne successfully had his bail conditions changed in 2019 so that he could attend Christian missionary college in Perth, while awaiting trial on the rape charges. The former Australian representative often speaks publicly about the importance of his faith.

Another ex-NRL player, Wes Naiqama, is also a member of Hillsong, and has already been inducted into The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame for various off-field indiscretions. Hayne, meanwhile, was nominated for Frownlow honours in 2016 and 2017, as well as 2019, 20 and 21.

Judges of Australia’s most prestigious sporting honour have assured fans that they remain impartial and objective and will not be pressured by anyone, not even the prime minister. They also reminded Jarryd that the winner will be announced at the end of the year, so he and Scott have plenty of time to pray for victory.

Image: NuNa