Judges of The Frownlow Medal are being pressured to nominate Australian politicians for The Frownlow Medal after revelations that the nation’s leaders commit as many scandals as professional footballers.
The Australian media is reporting a new political scandal on an almost daily basis for acts that would automatically earn a Frownlow nomination for a footballer.
The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.
The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.
“The requests are justified,” stated Frownlow judges.
“Politicians are behaving as badly as footballers, and sometimes even worse, and lately there have been more politicians than footy players committing these deplorable acts. What’s more, most politicians are escaping any form of punishment, while footballers have been suspended, kicked out of their sport or heavily fined. For that reason, judges will seriously consider opening up the most prestigious award in Australian sport to the nation’s leaders.”
At the time of writing, senior state and federal politicians who would qualify for The Frownlow Medal or The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame are:
Christian ‘not guilty’ Porter
Stuart ‘robodebt’ Robert
Linda ‘in my defence’ Reynolds
Michael ‘the sexter’ Johnsen
Teena ‘harass me’ McQueen
Adem ‘branch stacker’ Somyurek
Michael ‘branch stacker’ Sukkar
Kevin ‘branch stacker’ Andrews
Alan ‘wingman’ Tudge
Pauline ‘please explain’ Hanson
Matt ‘coal dust’ Canavan
David with Little to be Proud of
Michelle ‘good bloke’ Landry
Bridget ‘sports rorts’ Mckenzie
Dave ‘pink roses’ Sharma
Josh ‘ASIC’ Frydenberg
Greg ‘world’s best minister’ Hunt
Michaelia ‘AFP’ Cash
Sussan ‘treehugger’ Ley
Gladys ‘I spy’ Liu
Andrew ‘the feminist’ Laming
George ‘Filipino’ Christensen
Tony ‘knighthood’ Abbott
Arthur ‘ICAC’ Sinodinos
Joe ‘MAGA’ Hockey
Eric ‘silly girl’ Abetz
Bronwyn ‘choppergate’ Bishop
Peter ‘the boat stopper’ Dutton
Joel ‘the loyal’ Fitzgibbon
Daryl ‘Gladys’ boyfriend’ Maguire
Sam ‘China’ Dastyari
Angus ‘grassgate’ Taylor
Mathias ‘economy class’ Cormann
Barnaby ‘the faithful’ Joyce
Gladys ‘koala killer’ Berejikilian
“We could even go back as far as Sir Joh Bjelke Petersen or John Howard,” declared Frownlow judges.
“What’s also exciting about including politicians is that it would bring us our first female Frownlow nominee. Female footballers are eligible for the medal, but they are yet to commit an off-field scandal. Of course, Scott Morrison would also earn a nomination because, as prime minister, he has failed to take decisive action against any of his scandalous colleagues.”
While the list of corrupted politicians is long, judges stressed that other factors would need to be taken into consideration before politicians could be included in Australia’s most sought-after award:
Should sport and politics mix?
Is it fair to footballers?
Are there too many politicians committing scandals – and can Frownlow judges keep up with all of the scandals?
How many political scandals are covered up?
Should Rupert Murdoch be nominated?
Should Gina Rinehart be nominated?
Would any politicians be left?