Should Aussie politicians be eligible for The Frownlow Medal?

Judges of The Frownlow Medal are being pressured to nominate Australian politicians for The Frownlow Medal after revelations that the nation’s leaders commit as many scandals as professional footballers.

The Australian media is reporting a new political scandal on an almost daily basis for acts that would automatically earn a Frownlow nomination for a footballer.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

“The requests are justified,” stated Frownlow judges.

“Politicians are behaving as badly as footballers, and sometimes even worse, and lately there have been more politicians than footy players committing these deplorable acts. What’s more, most politicians are escaping any form of punishment, while footballers have been suspended, kicked out of their sport or heavily fined. For that reason, judges will seriously consider opening up the most prestigious award in Australian sport to the nation’s leaders.”

At the time of writing, senior state and federal politicians who would qualify for The Frownlow Medal or The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame are:

Christian ‘not guilty’ Porter

Stuart ‘robodebt’ Robert

Linda ‘in my defence’ Reynolds

Michael ‘the sexter’ Johnsen

Teena ‘harass me’ McQueen

Adem ‘branch stacker’ Somyurek

Michael ‘branch stacker’ Sukkar

Kevin ‘branch stacker’ Andrews

Alan ‘wingman’ Tudge

Pauline ‘please explain’ Hanson

Matt ‘coal dust’ Canavan

David with Little to be Proud of

Michelle ‘good bloke’ Landry

Bridget ‘sports rorts’ Mckenzie

Dave ‘pink roses’ Sharma

Josh ‘ASIC’ Frydenberg

Greg ‘world’s best minister’ Hunt

Michaelia ‘AFP’ Cash

Sussan ‘treehugger’ Ley

Gladys ‘I spy’ Liu

Andrew ‘the feminist’ Laming

George ‘Filipino’ Christensen

Tony ‘knighthood’ Abbott

Arthur ‘ICAC’ Sinodinos

Joe ‘MAGA’ Hockey

Eric ‘silly girl’ Abetz

Bronwyn ‘choppergate’ Bishop

Peter ‘the boat stopper’ Dutton

Joel ‘the loyal’ Fitzgibbon

Daryl ‘Gladys’ boyfriend’ Maguire

Sam ‘China’ Dastyari

Angus ‘grassgate’ Taylor

Mathias ‘economy class’ Cormann

Barnaby ‘the faithful’ Joyce

Gladys ‘koala killer’ Berejikilian

“We could even go back as far as Sir Joh Bjelke Petersen or John Howard,” declared Frownlow judges.

“What’s also exciting about including politicians is that it would bring us our first female Frownlow nominee. Female footballers are eligible for the medal, but they are yet to commit an off-field scandal. Of course, Scott Morrison would also earn a nomination because, as prime minister, he has failed to take decisive action against any of his scandalous colleagues.”

While the list of corrupted politicians is long, judges stressed that other factors would need to be taken into consideration before politicians could be included in Australia’s most sought-after award:

Should sport and politics mix?

Is it fair to footballers?

Are there too many politicians committing scandals – and can Frownlow judges keep up with all of the scandals?

How many political scandals are covered up?

Should Rupert Murdoch be nominated?

Should Gina Rinehart be nominated?

Would any politicians be left?

Image: NuNa

Gladys Berejiklian saves the NRL.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian blocked the appointment of Mick Fuller to the Australian Rugby League Commission in order to help the NRL win back The Frownlow Medal.

Berejiklian denied the NSW Police Commissioner the opportunity to sit on the board of the ARLC because he is an expert in ‘setting behavioural expectations’ who would have prevented the NRL from winning back the medal they held for five straight years until 2020.

The Frownlow Medal is awarded to the player whose off-field demeanour epitomises the values of the modern-day footballer and draws attention to the status of footballers as role models to young Australians. It covers Australia’s four major football codes; the National Rugby League (NRL), Australian Football League (AFL), the A-League (Football) and Rugby Union’s Super Rugby competition. NRL player Shaun Kenny-Dowall won the inaugural medal in 2015, while AFL player Elijah Taylor is the most recent recipient.

The Frownlow Medal Hall of Fame honours former players and players who received media attention in previous seasons, for similarly scandalous behaviour, and its inductees include Ben Cousins and Julian O’Neill.

“I love Rugby League and the NRL,” boasted Berejiklian at a press conference.

“As a Sydney girl, I’ve always loved league more than AFL, Union and Soccer. I pretend to love Macarthur FC, for the same reason the Prime Minister pretends to love the Cronulla Sharks: it helps win votes.”

“I was devastated to see the AFL steal the Frownlow from us last year, and I’m determined to do whatever I can to make sure an NRL player wins it this year. For this reason, I used my power as premier to block the appointment of Mr Fuller to the ARLC board because he would have stamped out player misbehaviour and held wayward players to account. If NRL players are not allowed to get up to mischief off the field, they’ll never win the Frownlow.”

The league-loving premier also asked the public to show greater understanding towards footballers when they misbehave.

“Footballers, like politicians, are role models to young Australians, so we should not be too quick to judge their personal behaviour. The LNP rewards misbehaviour with promotion and ministerial appointments, and naughty footballers are rewarded with nominations for The Frownlow Medal. I would hate to see either of these situations change.”

The Premier then confirmed that her own party is no stranger to personal scandal and protecting people who commit those scandals.

“Right now, our nation’s leader seems to be protecting an alleged rapist who works for the LNP, at the same time that four rugby league players are under investigation for sexual assault.”

“Finally, this issue is also a great way to distract the public from the failures of my government.”

Image: NuNa